The Broken Soldier

Ressentiment.  No, it’s not a misspelling.  It’s a fancy college-boy word meaning, as I’m using it, “chronic resentment and hostility towards a group without a means of acting on it.”  Why not?  I used to be a fancy college-boy, I’ve felt a lot of resentment towards our government for its failings, along with a feeling of inability to affect a more positive outcome.

Nietzsche spoke of this experience, treated in his one trick pony ’slave morality’ fashion, as one familiar with his work might expect.  Others have treated the subject in various ways to contrast Nietzsche’s diachronic approach, but all seem to view this feeling and its expression as ‘corrosive’ and or a misapplication of ethics/values.  But this post isn’t meant to be a criticism of their positions or an exposition of my own.  Got no energy for that.  And frankly, who gives a fuck what philosophers think?  (Aside from philosophers themselves?)

I’m pissed off.  I have good reason to be.  And those responsible for correcting the cause of this feeling are shirking their responsibilities - moral and legal.  I’ve been asking for psychiatric treatment for over a year.  Beginning around the time I started flirting with the idea of offing myself.

My unit was useless.  The State put the responsibility on Fort Knox.  Fort Knox doesn’t appear opposed to getting me counseling of some sort and a med adjustment, but aren’t approaching the matter with the sort of urgency it demands.  As I am a veteran, I’ve sought help through the VA.  The local extension directed me to the local VA medical center.  The local VA medical center directed me to the nearest ER.  When I informed them I had no medical insurance, and could not afford a trip to the ER (which likely wouldn’t be reimbursed although secondary to a line of duty injury), I was told going to the local ER was part of VA protocol.  I was told I’d do intake at the local ER, and then be transferred to the VA med center.  Why the extra step?

My buddy JR is trying to help.  He’s calling everyone he knows.  Giving me numbers in the area of people whose jobs it is to get me the help I need.  When I call, I’m either directed somewhere else, or I get voicemail and no return call.  Does the outrage and resent I feel towards the government seem slavish, a misapplication of ethics, or anything but wholly rational and justifiable to any of you?  It sure as shit doesn’t seem that way to me.