The Broken Soldier

I hate reading lately.  I have trouble concentrating, and more often than not whatever author I’m reading has very little to say or has no reason to believe he/she knows dick of the subject they’re prattling on about.  But occasionally I come across a well-written, well-thought out, honest account of something - whatever that something happens to be.  Today I found James Carroll’s Op-Ed in The Boston Globe titled “A blind eye on soldiers’ suicides.’  I’ve pasted excerpts and the source URL below.

I considered pasting the article in its entirety, but a lot of it is quixotic, hyperbolic anti-war screed.  Violence as “suicide of species” and what not.  And while I do sympathize with Carroll’s take, such discussions are best left for coffee houses, college classrooms, the floors of Congress, and other venues in which threnodic discourse is an end rather than a means to or a call to action.

“‘SUPPORT THE troops” is an American lie. This nation is grievously and knowingly failing the young men and women who wear the uniform of its military services, and nothing demonstrates that more powerfully than the suicides of soldiers. According to the Army’s own figures, the rate of suicide among active duty personnel nearly doubled between 2001 and 2006. The number then grew even higher in 2007, when suicide ranked third as the cause of death among members of the National Guard. Even if proximate causes vary from war zones to home fronts, such data are anomalous, since suicide rates among soldiers historically go down during wartime, not up.”

“Unit cohesion is the absolute virtue. Thus our soldiers prepare to die not for Iraq, nor even for America, but for one another. “I’ve got your back,” they promise. In combat, such commitment is often heroically fulfilled, but, alas, once the bureaucracy replaces the buddy, loyalty, too, is found to be a lie. Harsh to say, but the American military cares nothing for the individuals who comprise it, only for the mission those individuals, in formation, can accomplish.”

Source: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2008/06/30/a_blind_eye_on_soldiers_suicides/

I got some inspiration for today’s post from an unlikely source: Costas Now.  Bob held a town hall with Hank and Willie.  It seemed Bob wanted to talk race.  The interviewees seemed resistant, and played down, as one might expect of two great men, their roles in changing the American attitude on issues of race.

I don’t know much about either man.  What their motivations for doing what they did were.  But from watching the interview it seemed they were just doing their thing.  They were great players.  Talent is no respecter of demographics.

I would like to think they hoped that fact would be recognized in spite of the racial divisions existing at that time.  Though their opinions regarding the equality of moral and legal standing of all peoples was never expressed.  They just played and hoped, given the justness of this cause, peoples’ attitudes and positive laws would catch up.

I have similar hopes for soldiers’ rights.  I mean shit, we’re already ahead of the game by comparison, as no one, except that asshole from ‘Forsake the Troops,’ disagrees that service members ought to be treated well.  I have a political BBQ to attend this weekend to advance this cause.  Chicken, salad, cakes and candies, Levin, Obama’s campaign staff, and various members of elected State government.  Sounds like a hoot.

But this is a good opportunity.  Like Hank and Willie, I have a talent.  A very different talent, but a talent nonetheless.  I speak well, especially on matters of political philosophy.  And while I’m usually not an ends man, I’ll play eristic to get the job done.  Maybe I can just play and facilitate change without those I’m playing with (and against) noticing.  Pray for a good game.

Please find the link to Welcome Back Veterans below.

http://web.welcomebackveterans.org/

WBV is operated by the owners and players of Major League Baseball, all of whom contribute time and money to assist veterans and their families in finding mental health providers, job training/placement, and links to government and non-profit organizations whose goals are to aid veterans in transition to civilian life.

… at least $100.

Spent most of yesterday at the Zoo with my step.  Did a lot of walking.  I’m in a lot of pain today.  It’s my own damned fault.  Too vain to ride in a wheelchair.  Step too, whatever she is, to pull me in a wagon.  But it was nice to get some sun and to be out with and around other people.  All in all $100 well spent.  In spite of the pain, a little freebie, I’m feeling today.

A bit off normal topics, but I think the matter needs addressal.  I see this all the time.  I hear and read very intelligent people espousing what is, at best, a very confused view.  A conflation of two necessarily separate subjects: Ethics/Moral Theory and the Sciences.  Deriving ought from is.

I could spend quite a lot of time laboring over the topic.  But it’s late.  I’m tired.  So I’ll demonstrate the silliness of this confused position with a few simple examples.

Your arm is broken, therefore it ought to be.

Your mother is dying of pancreatic cancer, therefore she ought to be.

Many children die everyday from AIDS, therefore they ought to.

Let’s see if it works the other way - forces of nature described using moral language.

The hurricane that destroyed NO is evil.

The great white shark that ate surfer dude is naughty.

The lightning that hit my uncle should receive a serious moral reproach.

Awkward to say the least.  That’s because we reserve moral language and moral decisions for human behaviors - regardless of whether we can or cannot ultimately reduce them to some biological property or function or compulsion.  Morality is right action.  It is a prescription for behavior.  It is not a description of any kind.  Descriptive (sciences of any sort) and prescriptive (morality/ethics) domains do not touch.  And never, NEVER, can a description be used to justify a behavior, regardless of how tempted we may be to do so.

My step and I are watching Strong Bad videos (”I don’t have hair, Dusseldorka”).  I just finished a second cup of heavily sugared and creamed coffee and a couple Djarum Lights.  Caleb’s taking a nap on my chest.  I’m pretty well-rested, so the pain I’m feeling is manageable.  All in all, it’s shaping up to be a pretty good day.

I’ve been feeling better for the last week or so.  Note well the comparative, rather than superlative, language.  Just so we’re clear, and to avoid a premature celebratory suck off involving the members of my posse and I, I’m still in a lot of pain.  I still walk, hobble more apt, with a cane.  But with the sleep meds I’m taking (Restoril), I’m getting a good 5-6 hours of restful, rejuvenative sleep a night.  That’s made all the difference.

I have a high tolerance for pain of all sorts.  That my body (and psyche) is scarred and tattooed and I’m still kicking should demonstrate this.  Some asshole said some-it bout ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’  Makes sense if you have shit for brains.  It’d be hard to argue I’m stronger having lived through the last year and half.

It’s a matter of discipline.  Mind over matter.  Whatever description blows your hair back.  I’ve found the mind loses its potency when sleep-deprived for over 18 months, and the pain has more of an impact.  More pain, less sleep.  Less sleep, more depression.  More depression, more pain, and so on and so forth.

Better has me seeing things a bit clearer.  I realize I’m not ready to hang it up yet.  I have a lot left to do.  And I will do these things, basically as planned, with slight modifications to the original plan to accommodate for the actions and inactions of idiots.  In fact, I’ve already set the original plan in motion, getting back to law school, regardless of what the Army and the MIARNG do or don’t do.  I’ve given these folks too much power.  Power to affect my life greater than they actually possess.  No more.

Got a semi-personal email - part tailored response to a previous email I wrote many months ago and part seemed a form letter - from US Senator Debbie Stabenow this morning.  In it she wrote of the various bipartisan successes she and her colleagues enjoyed in the fight to do better by our men and women in uniform.  New GI Bill, more and better and more convenient VA medical facilities, and ‘full funding’ of VA health care through to the end of fiscal year 2009.

She and I are in agreement, it would appear, that we could be doing a better job meeting our responsibilities to our men and women in uniform.  I applaud Senator Stabenow’s efforts and accomplishments.  She truly does seem to have our interests in mind, but more importantly, she appears to act on them.  However, there are certain matters left to address.

Feres needs to be revisited.  The structure and organization of military medicine needs to be tinkered with - possibly eliminating military professional classes altogether in favor of rankless civilians so as to avoid the conflict power imbalance creates.  Access to benefits, pay, allowances, medical care, etc., should be automatic with a line of duty injury, but if not automatic, then the processes by which these entitlements are obtained should be simplified.  Prescription costs associated with treating line of duty injuries ought to be totally reimbursed, as opposed to partially reimbursed (the best case scenario) to not reimbursable as is now the case.  Retention decisions need to be hastened, so as to allow those facing medical discharge to prepare for transition to civilian life rather than hanging in limbo, in some cases for months and years.  If a military member is in arrears, the government ought to protect them and their families from dunner wolves, and the stresses this chase creates.

I’m sure there are many things I’ve left out.  Point is, this is no time to rest on laurels.  There’s a lot of work to do.  And for many of us, regardless of what will be done, the fix will come too late.

I cut ties with a group this morning.  Ostensibly the group promotes itself primarily as soldiers’ rights advocates.  Their stated purpose to improve the overall condition of service members’ lives.  In this regard, there are obvious similarities in their goals and my own.

This group is unqualifiably opposed to the war in Iraq.  To cut my critics off at the pass, my own opposition to war is layered and nuanced.  I won’t be donning a jester’s outfit and a phallic missile codpiece while blowing a trumpet, waiving a “Bushitler” sign, and riding a three-wheeled bike at the local protest march anytime soon.  My opposition is more an Eisenhowerian/lament that after 10 million years of hominid evolution we (the present favored apes) still haven’t found a better way to resolve our disagreements combo.  Hackneyed?  Sure.  But I feel Dwight’s company overcomes any lack of originality.  As well, I find it unfair, for want of a better word, that those who create policy leading to war seldom pay the price of that decision - other than at the ballot box for their political inexpedience.  Additionally, if that horrible decision is made, those in power must commit themselves to full funding, and to play to win - rather than manage a loss.  Neither of these conditions seem to have been met in this war.  The justification for this war, by my lights, not privy to and therefore ignorant of the facts that led to this decision, is equally good, or bad I guess, depending on your perspective, as any other war.

After a member of this group contacted me through the site, I signed up.  Why not?  It was free.  The guy kept calling me ‘brother.’  My wife got a free T-shirt out of the deal.  This morning things changed.  Instead of simply archiving the newsletter/announcement that typically calls for protesters and shit like that, I read it in its entirety.  To my chagrin I found the group’s true purpose: The advancement of a Socialist political/economic agenda.  Their recruiting techniques, I’m sure, garnering a proud upshot grin from Trotsky and other revolutionaries currently residing in the 7th circle of Hell.

Whether Socialism is or is not a good form of government is a separate issue.  That these people, in guise of fraternal care, would prey on service members during times of stress and weakness to advance Socialism is the issue.  I find this approach despicable and totally at odds with my own purpose: Improving a system clearly in need of improvement.  In the future I’ll be much more careful with whom I associate.

I tend to be terse when I’m feeling this way.  Why break tradition?  My wife, step, and I were having breakfast at our Sunday usual.  We were talking, I was hurting from sitting up and a bit of walking.  Between mouthfuls of omelet, my wife told me she cried after looking at a picture of me from our last UP camping trip.  The pic is only three years old, but, by my wife’s lights, I look (and probably act) like a completely different person.  Strange the affect pain and lack of support can have on one’s identity.

I’m a ‘handicapper.”

My wife, step-daughter, and I went to WalMart to fill one of my scripts, to Taco Bell to pick up dinner, and to Blockbuster to drop off a rented video game.  My wife flipped the visor at some point, and I got a look at my most recent app for handicapped parking that fell out.  It had the usual stuff.  My contact info, my doc’s contact info, a series of “circle the best answer” questions, and a description of my injuries and limitations.  What was different was the length of time.  For the last year and half I’ve been getting capper parking in six months increments.  This one is permanent.

The last week or so has really driven things home.  Before the surgery talk of permanence was, while a true worry, almost academic.  I looked up journal articles, digested what I found, and posted it here.  It isn’t academic anymore.

I’m pretty depressed.  My doctor’s response is, as one might expect a biomedical model fella to do, to put me on medication.  I haven’t filled the script yet, but I think it’s either 40 or 60 mgs of Celexa/day.  I’d like to do some counseling too, as medication and counseling have better efficacy, and because this isn’t a purely ‘organic’ depression.  But, in spite of asking those appointed over me at the unit, the state, and at Fort Knox numerous times, my requests for psychiatric/psychological counseling have gone unanswered.