The Broken Soldier

I’m not well, and I’m afraid I may be on the downward slide. Usually my injury and my symptoms are made worse by doing stuff - sitting up, standing, walking, etc. Yesterday was a typical Sunday for my family and I. We sat around watching TV, playing board games, video games, doing crafts, and otherwise enjoying each others company. I can’t sit for more than 20 minutes without laying down for an hour or so to recover. Yesterday I was laying down for a couple hours, and the pain of sitting up for less than half an hour just wouldn’t go away. I wound up staying in bed laying flat on my back all day.

The pain was pretty intense. Maybe a 6 or 7 on a 10 point scale. Just from sitting up for a little while. Crazy. But I can live with pain. Well, sort of. What I can’t live with is the humiliation that comes with an injury of this sort. 20 minutes of sitting up caused me to lose control of my bowels. I can’t think of anything more humiliating than that.  This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it is the first time it’s happened with very little activity.  I was once a very strong man.  Now I mess myself like a baby.  I hate that this is what my life is going to be like.  And I hate the Army and the Guard because had they done the right thing at any point in this story this could have been avoided.

And the Army and the Guard still haven’t approved the medical care I need. Just in case you were wondering.