The Broken Soldier

This last year has been very difficult for my wife and I. Difficult in every way one can imagine. We have done our best to work with those in the system, but have out of necessity taken our fight outside the system as well. At no point, however, have my wife or I done anything that could be construed by a reasonable person as harmful to the Army or the National Guard. We have offered what we believe to be honest and fair analysis of this matter. We have taken great care not to paint the whole of the Army or the whole of the National Guard with a broad brush. Rather, we have reserved criticism for those whose actions or lack of action merit criticism. We have taken care not to allow ourselves or our experiences to be used as political ammunition by those who, though willing to offer help, have ulterior motives. We have tried not be selfish. It is clear to my wife and I this approach is neither appreciated or effective. It is equally clear to my wife and I that if a just and legal outcome is achieved, it won’t be because of the works of the Army or the National Guard.

I am receiving conflicting information from the Guard and from the Army. A hot-potato re: authorizing medical care that neither seem to want to own. The folks at the Injured Soldier Hot Line (Mr. James Lansing) claim the Guard is responsible for authorizing my medical care. COL Soldano (assistant to the MING AG) claims the Army, specifically those at Fort Knox, are responsible for authorizing my medical care. Who is right? They can’t both be right, can they? If I’m not getting the right information about who authorizes care, why am I not getting the right information? What other information is incorrect?  Why are those at the highest levels of leadership unaware of procedure?  I have an opinion on this matter (of course).

My doctor has requested a consultation with a neurosurgeon since May of last year. Health Services for the State of Michigan have gone out of their way, from lying about receiving requests to claiming the requests weren’t sufficiently justified to deny this request.  Although after a year with a symptomatic disc herniation, surgery is considered, by most medical sources, not only reasonable and conservative, but also, given my symptoms, part of a necessary emergency intervention.  The Army claims they aren’t involved in this process, as my duty status is NG and when injured was NG activated for training, and therefore can’t act, has no authority to approve my doctor’s request. But the reality, whomever is actually responsible for authorizing care, is that authorizing neurosurgery, while very likely necessary to my recovery and to arrest further deterioration, is not in the best interest of the Guard or the Army. The procedure itself and post-op care are very expensive. And of course, with lumbar disc herniations, re-injury and need for additional surgeries is not uncommon. As well, possibly most important, neurosurgery for symptomatic disc herniation is permanently disqualifying and not waiverable. In other words, the Army and the Guard would, if they were to approve the care I need, incur great expense and also lose a body in uniform. The COL claims I cannot receive authorization unless I assent to re-evaluation at Fort Knox (the result of my first eval can be found under the title “Loony Toon”). The COL failed to address my concern that if I accept re-evaluation before my doctors and my lawyer and I have prepared my case, Dr. Toon or one of his colleagues, can choose not to initiate a medical evaluation board, find me medically unfit, and kick me out, disabled, with no compensation and no legal recourse. To this the COL responds with hyperbole and rhetoric. I’m paraphrasing. “One can’t obtain disability by avoiding the military medical system.” As though wanting a just and legal outcome, and wanting time to prepare is the same as ‘avoiding the system.’ “Even the President of the United States uses military doctors.” As though the President and I are treated by the same doctors or in the same way. I’m very saddened by this. I had hoped to have found an advocate. I know now the only advocates I have are my wife, my doctors, my attorney, average and not-so- average citizens who’ve offered to help me in various ways - from sharing their stories to initiating Congressional hearings on behalf of my fellow injured service members and I - and myself.

One might think doing the right thing by one of its own (injured in the line of duty) would be enough incentive. But for all its talk and all the Army Values posters plastered on every Army office wall, morality doesn’t seem to be the chief motivator in any action. “I will always place the mission first” seems to be. Even if placing the mission first means stretching and breaking the law. Even if placing the mission first means acting immorally.  Even if placing the mission first means harming one of its own by consigning them to the possibility of a lifetime of disability with no compensation.

Well, if choosing one action over another means accepting harm or harming an organization willing to, by its negligence and in support of its own interests, harm me, I can’t continue the way I have.  I can no longer afford to take the moral high road.  The Army and the Guard made an enemy today. An enemy out of a friend. A friend who would have gladly given his life for the Army and the Guard and this country. In spite of how I’ve been treated, and the justification above, I still feel guilt and regret about this decision. I wonder if anyone involved in the Army and/or Guard feel guilty or regretful about what they’ve done, what they’ve not done, what they intend to do, and how this has affected me and so many others. I doubt it.

But in all of this, the worst part is having to compromise who I am. My morals.  My value system. I have to change who I am to get a just and legal outcome. I should have seen this coming, I suppose. A warrant officer in Officer Accessions once told me, “Jim, you have to be willing to do anything to get that commission. Anything.” I should have known the type of culture I was dealing with then. I should have known to run in the other direction as fast as I could. Now I can’t run. Hell, I can’t even walk fast. And I’ve had to destroy the moral part of me to sink to the level of my opponents to have even the slightest chance of victory.

My discussions with COL Soldano have gone very well so far. He’s given me great latitude in expressing my opinions and criticisms, and he has acknowledged that there is a problem.  How I wish I would have met COL Soldano a year ago.  I can only imagine the pain his assistance could have saved my wife and I had he been involved earlier on.  He truly seems committed to helping me. I’m cautiously optimistic a just outcome is possible with his advocacy. There is, of course, residual distrust.  He is, after all, an officer in the Army National Guard.  While his position requires him to investigate problems like those I’ve experienced, his first concern is with the mission.  But again, I am hopeful I will at least get the medical care I need, and a powerful advocate, besides Raymond J. Toney (my attorney) as I begin medical boards.  However, the fight doesn’t end when I finally get the benefits to which I’m entitled. The system is still in need of serious overhaul and improvement. There are still soldiers suffering because of this system and its execution. There will, undoubtedly, be more in the future.  Many of them cannot or will not speak for themselves.  They need a voice.  Maybe I can be that voice.

There was a time (a time I call “college”) when I had real passion for politics and political philosophy. Not so much anymore. I find politics in theory fascinating, but politics in practice repellant. The former has a lot of good foundational bits to chew on, but the latter seems to offer little more than ad hominems and easily digested and regurgitated bumper sticker rhetoric. This site really isn’t supposed to be devoted to subjects other than my fight with the Army and the MIARNG for medical care and other entitlements, but the following post on Mitt Romney’s site so disgusted me, I couldn’t resist getting involved. Please find the original post and my response to it below.

“Author: Jack McDermott
Comment:
To: Rush Limbaugh
Subject: McCain - American War Hero - Continued
Dear Rush:

In my previous email to you, on the point

The primary official reason for McCain’s lofty American War Hero status was that he refused release from North Vietnamese captivity because he wouldn’t abandon his comrades still in captivity, and

The New Hampshire Union Leader wrote, “Sen. McCain is much more than just a war hero who chose to endure years of abuse at the hands of a sadistic enemy rather than abandon his comrades.”

The following should be included

“A September 13, 1968, cable from Averell Harriman, U.S. ambassador-at-large, to the State Department confirmed that McCain’s captors had offered him early release, but that he had refused. The cable reported that, according to the Vietnamese, “Commander McCain feared that if he was released before the war is over, President [Lyndon] Johnson might ’cause difficulties’ for his father because people will wonder if McCain had been brainwashed.” Harriman speculated that instead, McCain was abiding by the Code of Conduct.”– The Phoenix New Times March 25, 1999

The above seems to imply that McCain was worried more about himself and his family than his comrades.

U.S. Veterans Dispatch, “John McCain was a survivor not a “hero POW”. For years McCain has successfully cultivated a false facade as the “straight-talking” politician unsullied by big-money influence of special-interest groups. He has shrewdly manipulated most of the national press corps into ignoring (or forgiving) facts that expose him as a disreputable character and enemy of the truth.””

Mr. McDermott,

Regardless of Senator McCain’s political decisions, the ‘facades’ he and his handlers and his special interest influencers create, or the motivation behind his decision to stay in the “Hanoi Hilton,” he chose to stay. Speculation and implication and opinion do not and cannot undo this incontrovertible fact. Whether enduring imprisonment and torture makes one a “hero POW” I can’t say. I’m not sure what that means. But I do know throwing mud on Senator McCain, a man who has sacrificed so much in service of his country, especially in this manner, is ill-advised politically, and, as an AF vet and current injured/disabled soldier, nauseating to me personally. Can’t we just argue the issues and let the people decide? Is nothing sacred?

I received an email from COL Roger Soldano on Friday. He wants to discuss my “concerns.” I did a bit research on COL Soldano, and he seems, from what little information I can find on him, an accomplished senior officer. Maybe he will be able to help.

I was tempted to call him on Friday, but thought better of it. I’ve not been sleeping very well lately. Worse than usual. Pain, weird neurological symptoms, and withdrawal are likely culprits. The constant worry my ‘comrades’’ bumbling have created doesn’t help. My fear, a fear I shared with the COL, is not having the energy to tip-toe around sensitive issues. From experience, frank discussions of Army procedural and executional failings are not well received by NCOs and officers. In the past, I’ve been threatened with everything from punishment to possibly losing my future VA benefits for doing so. In terms of trouble and strife, my canteen cup runneth over. It’s difficult for me, even when I’m not already miserable and pissed off, to argue an obvious point. Carrying on the medical and financial entitlements equivalent of ‘prove to me my hand exists’ with an ACU-clad idiot is likely to end badly. I don’t have the patience or the energy or the will to refrain from hitting said hand with a hammer to prove my point. Enter fear stage right.

Our discussion will very likely center on procedure. This has been a common tactic. Deny benefits because I’ve not satisfied some unsatisfiable level of “required” documentation. But this approach belies the obvious. For sake of discussion, even if my wife, my doctor, and I have done everything wrong, a point I’m not conceding, I have had an approved Line of Duty investigation for five months. I have still not received approval for my doctor’s full treatment plan or incapacitation pay beyond the month of August. If the Guard were truly interested in granting approval of benefits those in power claim I am eligible to receive, and had sincere concern for my present and future physical and financial well-being, they would have found a way, regardless of unsatisfied procedural salmagundi, to get said benefits to me. This is a point I shouldn’t have to argue. That I don’t have these things should be sufficient argument in and of itself.

But I’m holding out hope, against my experience and sense of distrust created by it, this COL means what he says. “Jimison, my responsibility is to listen to you and help if I can.”  We’ll see.